Written by Arjun Vijay

Posted on October 20, 2018

Humans, just like any other mammals on this planet, have the necessary information in their DNA to know how to effectively bring up a child. We, especially Indians, are clearly failing to realize this basic wisdom every mammal on this planet possesses. Technically, dogs and monkeys seem to be better in this area of expertise than humans. The common sense of a person hugely depends on the way he grew up. India is one of the most affected countries by depression, anxiety, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder, according to the 2016 reports of WHO and India is one of the largest suicides of young people according to Lancet Report, 2012 and the numbers are increasing.

Children are fresh life; their way of thoughts and activities is a reflection of who we are; if they are committing suicide, we as a society are doing something terribly wrong. Above all this, it is more important to realize that you are part of this affected society and you have the responsibility that at least your child and the children you know should be grown sensibly. Here are some simple methods that can bring the best in your child. This will do good both in the mental and social circumstances like education, moral responsibility, and their inner wellbeing.


Your Child Doesn’t Owe You

It is high time to understand the fact that you chose to have a child, not that the child chose you. If you think they owe you something, it will give the unnecessary pressure to the child; and your sense of desire towards them to do just the way you want them to will certainly give you great disappointments at some point of time. This is just materializing the relationship; a business-like approach in an emotional relationship is not going to work. Regardless of whatever you’ve done for your child, it doesn’t mean he has to do something back. You should not be a barrier for the young life to happen. It doesn’t belong to you, you just have the privilege to nurture the life; asking them to owe you something is a nonsensical act.

Take this Scenario

Mr and Mrs Natarajan got a child after married for 10 years. They were living in Chennai. He works as an electrician and his wife makes and sells lemon pickles.


They were living in a rented house and was just living by. After the Cibi got delivered, they decided to give him the best education. They started working extra hours to support the child’s education. Natarajan’s wife spent time with the child after her school hours to check his daily schooling. Natarajan comes late usually and when he comes, he makes sure Cibi is studying. They were pretty happy with the child. Cibi was getting good marks. He reached 6th grade and the mother lost track of his studies. He started getting lower grades and his interest was swinging to football. He was athletic, he got selection in the school team and the parents were proud. They weren’t restricting him much because they recognized his talent. When the grades started getting really low, Natarajan got worried. He doesn't the hardship of years to go vain.

He started showing his pressure to Cibi and after all, football isn’t a well-received sport in India. He insisted Cibi to start to concentrate on studies. Cibi did that. His topics got complicated and struggled to follow the school. Natarajan began to show his concern and aggression to the child, he thought Cibi is old enough to understand his hardship. He passed 10th grade with very low marks and even lower in the 12th grade. He joined engineering just like everyone else and couldn’t finish it after 4 years.


Natarajan took a loan for Cibi’s education. He and his wife sacrificed so much for Cibi and now Cibi cannot even take care of himself. After failing multiple times every year in the college, Natarajan insisted him to start working to support the family. Cibi joined a call center company for Rs. 6000. Natarajan never owned a house or invested on anything, the little money he had was invested in education. He fell into depression in his old age and died when Cibi was 27 years old. At the age of 31, Cibi got selected in the Indian Super League. A wonderful thing happened for Cibi but he was depressed that he couldn’t make his father proud when he was alive.

Is the death of Nadarajan happened because of Cibi? If we ask the family at the time of Nadarajan’s death, they would have blamed Cibi. Fundamentally, this is the conscience problem we face in our society. Every child goes under this pressure. The worst part here is, even the child doesn’t know that they are being pressured. Here Cibi was lucky enough to reach those heights, but millions of other Cibis are living in the world with perennial guilt and shame that they are a failure. Even if the parent shows the love, this attitudinal approach will take permanent roots in your child’s mind and will haunt them for the rest of their lives. It is important that your child doesn’t feel any kind of pressure in his surrounding environment because this will help him to see things from a wider perspective and to work towards a relatively better future.

Never Advise Them Without Request

When, all of the sudden, a senior citizen starts advising you, you will either start getting bored or you’ll feel the tendency to argue about things that you may disagree with him. This is what happens when you advise your child. No matter how valuable your experience is, your child doesn’t care. The safety advice for the child is your moral responsibility and that should be fulfilled without hesitation. The advice here mentioned is anything other than safety, like how to study, how friendship works, how a relationship works, what should be done in a particular situation, etc. If you advise them unsolicited, it has a reverse effect and you’ll feel the child doesn’t respect you. This needs patience. But there will be times when your child seeks your advice, whatever you say at the time will be considered more valuable and your child would never forget it.

Be Your Best Self

Children accumulate knowledge from the surroundings, especially from their parents. The child that came from you is a mini version of yourself, and it is important that you should be the best of yourself when the child is around. If you just make sure you create a loving and playful environment around them on every aspect, they will naturally flower to be better human beings.


Make a mind-set that whatever the moral mistakes you did, it should not by any chance bestow upon your child. It doesn’t mean that you should never be angry with them. If your child makes aggressive mistakes, it should meet with consequences. But it is important to maintain a peaceful and joyful environment around children all the time; children’s mental health and stability depends on it.

Understand Your Child

If you decide to have a child, be ready to invest at least 20 years of your time carefully nurturing. If you are not ready for it, please don’t have a child because human beings are not a species that undergoes extinction. But if you decide, then its minimum of 20 years provided when the child goes right. Make sure you observe the child without having to expect anything from them like for instance, you are fond of music but they won’t be good at it. Have an open mind while observing and you’ll find the child may be good at some surprising things just like how Geeta is good at wrestling in Dangal Movie.

Restriction on TVs and Gadgets

It is a fact that cartoons may increase creativity, but nowadays we are forced to open our TVs and gadgets to make our children less irritating. More TV and gadgets, more narrow-minded and aggressive your child becomes. The studies lead by Dr. Alison Parkes and the Scientist Craig Anderson (two different studies) shows it is a fact that TV and Video Games can promote behavioural problems like bullying, fighting, stealing and a narrow view of situations.

TVs and Gadgets should be restricted to a maximum of one hour no matter how your child threatens or persuades you; and in that one hour, try to choose a cartoon which is morally good. It is important that children should play and explore the outside world with minuscule risks involved; it benefits their mental and physical health and can necessarily cut off hospital bills in future.

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